Welcome to “Dumpster Dive,” a new recurring feature in which our intrepid reality-TV junkie will put on his rubber gloves and face mask and wade into the murky depths of the genre’s nastiest-looking offerings.: Is it ever too late for a woman to drop her child off in front of the fire station with a note that says, “I’m sorry: I’m just not cut out for motherhood”?
Based on this Wednesday’s episode — which featured one 8-year-old pondering suicide as the only possible alternative to dancing, and a raspy-voiced she-beast forcing a 13-year-old into a creepy dating situation — I’m going to go out on a limb and respond with a resounding, “Hell, no!
Brooke’s ex-crush Brandon returns to the ALDC to star in their group routine, "Snapshot".
Abby sets Brandon and Brooke on a date in order to create chemistry before their dance, but the atmosphere is awkward and the performance goes badly.
Then, proving she’s been raised on a steady diet of navel-gazing reality-TV ridiculata, Brooke adds: “I’m really not the same person I was when I was nine years old.” • When the “Snapshot” dance finally occurs, our pre-teen troupe busts out onto the stage in bikinis, sunhats, and 11 lbs of troweled-on makeup and false eyelashes. “I would kill myself if I didn’t dance,” she offers cheerily, as I try to Google the contact info for National Child Protective Services.